When I look back at old pictures of myself, I don’t see much change. 18-year-old John is often indistinguishable from Current John save a few fashion cues (or miscues as the case may be). But with a baby, every few days, she gains enough experience point to evolve to her next form. So, when you look back at a few months of leveling up, the results can be astounding. Plus, with a surviving bib for a reference point, you do get the feeling that you are succeeding as a parent, at least on the nutritional front.

Hazel is kind of like those “just add water” toy sponges from the ‘80s. Sure it’s a pink capsule now, but drop it in some H₂O and it puffs into a very impressive camel or dinosaur. Of course, leave it in the water too long, and the sponge gets too soppy and starts to smell a bit – yet another similarity with a baby. In fact, Hazel has grown so much that we took advantage of the rolled-back Thanksgiving prices and bought her a new car seat. It’s huge, padded, and resembles something that belongs on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. Maybe her future first word will be “engage” or “makeitso”. I’m still reading the instruction manual, but I’m fairly certain that, in the event of an emergency, this car seat will jettison out of the vehicle and sprout helicopter blades from the top, whirligigging Hazel to safety and the promise of another chance to get that darn Inspector Gadget. 

Not that Hazel is the only one packing on the (dozens of) ounces. As an experiment, I weighed myself first thing Thanksgiving morning and then again Thanksgiving eve. In the AM, I topped the scale at 166 but that night, after turkey and potatoes and my stuffing and pie and cookies and seconds and thirds and lackadaisically watching football, I spun the needle a bit further up to 172 lbs. Looks like it time to buy yet another tapeworm.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. I attribute this to my love of mashed potatoes, a few days off from school/work, holiday television specials, and leftovers. Plus, this is a great lead-in to my birthday (November 30^th for all you last minute shoppers). Though I don’t really care for football, sitting around on comfy couches with family will most assuredly distract me from any substantial updates until next week. Plus, with freelance writing gigs coming in from Colorado James, I’ll have more than enough going on to keep myself busy.

But before any of the fun can begin, I need to make my grandmother’s recipe for stuffing. I’ve been coming to Megan’s family’s Thanksgiving meals since the turn of the century and I always weep inside because I won’t eat their stuffing. They put raisins in it for some wicked (meaning bad not good in this instance) reason. And as we can all agree, a Thanksgiving without stuffing is like a Christmas special without a forced celebrity cameo.

While I’m gone, have fun with the shop.mlb.com personalized jersey generator. Though I will never drop even $50.00 on a team jersey, the temptation to order one with a funny name on the back is tantalizing. And just so you know, while “BUTTCHEEK” and “PEE PEE” and deemed inappropriate, you can get “DOUCHE” or “FECES” blazoned across your shoulders. To quote the shopping program, both of these are a “great choice!”